


beautiful

by 214jae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, JaeYong - Freeform, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, M/M, jaehyun has a big ass crush on taeyong, jaehyun's a dumbass, lucas is mentioned like literally once, oh wow there's a tag like that huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-27 18:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18198062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/214jae/pseuds/214jae
Summary: Jaehyun thinks Taeyong couldn't be more beautiful.





	beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> hi ^0^ i don't really know how it came to this i was literally just checking doyoung's airport previews from yesterday and suddenly wanted to write something jaeyong on ao3 and also!!!! this was supposed to be full on fluff and i suddenly wanted it to be angsty so here u go :D
> 
> songs for this fic are:  
> fluff; sunday candy  
> fluff; we & us  
> angst; i don't wanna be okay without you
> 
> these are the songs i listened to while writing this and i think it fits the aura of the au really well!
> 
> these songs are in my spotify playlist too (it's a playlist for my jaeyong social media au on twitter so if u want to read that hhh)
> 
> my twitter is huangszn nd i have the au as my pinned tweet!
> 
> lastly, this is honestly so messy i literally wrote this in less than 24 hours. i haven't been able to write well lately cause i'm shitty and i don't know how to improve myself

It was during the start of high school. Jaehyun had recently moved from Connecticut to Seoul due to family reasons his parents never disclosed to him because he never asked, and now he's stuck in his room pondering over how his first day as a high school student would go. He'll be a freshman, meet new teachers, and probably get along with people. Even only one friend sounds nice, the thought of being alone and lonely during high school doesn't sound so nice in Jaehyun's ears.

On his first day, he scrambles into his bathroom with his alarm clock still ringing. For the fifth time at that. Back then, his mom would wake him up an hour and a half before school starts. He just couldn't get used without it so quickly yet.

He ends up getting dressed properly twenty minutes before school starts, and runs out the house hastily with his backpack while answering to his mom's protests to eat breakfast by shouting. It took five minutes for him to arrive at the bus station, and one to wipe the sweat trickling down his forehead and temples.

Jaehyun takes his seat in the far back after tapping his transportation card, leaning his head on the window. He breathes heavily. _It hasn't even started yet and I'm already having a hard time,_ he thought. _I hope high school wouldn't be so harsh on me._

His thoughts are disturbed by the light shuffling beside him. He takes a look beside him and blinks several times to process what he's seeing.

There's a boy seated two seats away from him, leaning against the window as well. If someone told Jaehyun that his breath hitched as he takes in the sight, he wouldn't deny it. He's too hyper aware of what's happening, but couldn't really give his hundred percent to care.

The boy has black hair, his fringe draped over his forehead. From Jaehyun's view, the boy has a sharp jawline and an impressive nose. He watches as the boy fishes his phone out from his jeans' pocket. And that's when Jaehyun realizes that the boy he finds endearing is wearing the same uniform as him. Maybe high school wouldn't be so harsh on him.

The boy closes his eyes after locking his phone.

Jaehyun thinks the boy couldn't be more beautiful.

-

It's been five months since school started and five months since Jaehyun started growing a crush on a certain boy named Lee Taeyong. He's also started having his own circle of friends, all ranging from freshmen to junior students. Johnny would be the riskiest of them all as he's classmates with Taeyong, and because he's the only one who's aware of Jaehyun's crush (that apparently is getting bigger everyday) on Taeyong (because Jaehyun is stupid and he wasn't really going to tell anyone about it, but he suddenly blurted out something about how he likes Taeyong).

Add to it that Johnny is friends with Taeyong as well, so the taller makes it a hobby to tease Jaehyun about his crush at least once a day.

Oh yes, Jaehyun also learned Taeyong's name the same day he first saw him. Apparently he's popular, having been called Ice Beauty for his cold features. He's a top student too, and students who have talked to him say he's kind despite not looking like it.

Jaehyun might as well fall in love upon hearing all of that.

Five months ago when Jaehyun's class had their club assigning, the Book Enthusiasts club was his first choice. It didn't feel right to him to be in other clubs because he supposes everything else requires having to converse with the other students a lot. Although that's what clubs are for – communicating with other students and enhancing their skills – everything Jaehyun thought of went down the drain when his homeroom teacher announced the assigned clubs.

So here he is right now, inside the school's auditorium with the rest of The Euphony (the school's theater club's name) members.

With Lee Taeyong as the president of the club.

Jaehyun would say he was dumbstruck at first when he along with the members and Taeyong met for the first time. Then he was shy, then he was mute. And now he's just a mixture of all three. Who wouldn't be a nincompoop when it's Lee Taeyong you're facing? Johnny laughed at him when he told him that a week after they started becoming friends.

The school's festival is happening a month from now, and each club is required to prepare anything for the said festival. The festival will only be happening for a day, and Jaehyun recalls Taeyong telling everyone to make the most out of it because it only happens once every school year.

Jaehyun actually grew to like the club, not because of the president – partially because of the president. But theater is starting to interest him, and he actually thinks that acting might suit him. He remembers joining small plays when he was little, his roles weren't too major but they weren't that unimportant either.

The club meeting ends with everyone agreeing to play Romeo & Juliet for the school's festival. Jaehyun couldn't really care, he expects to be working backstage anyways.

He stands up from his seat and picks up his bag from the floor when a voice calls for him.

"Hey, Jaehyun!" Jaehyun almost freezes. Key word, almost. Because despite liking Taeyong too much, the boy still wants to keep at least even a little bit of his pride. He wouldn't want Taeyong to think of him as some type of dumbass either.

Jaehyun turns around and meets those pair of doe eyes. This is so going to be hard for him.

Taeyong saunters over to him, left hand gripping onto the strap of his backpack. "Would you like to play Benvolio?" There it is, that smile.

That _goddamn_ smile.

Jaehyun gulps, he doesn't know whether it's because of the pressure of being offered a pretty big role for the play when he expected to be working on the theatrical property instead. Or the fact that Taeyong is talking to him right now (not really for the first time) and smiling so softly at him.

If Jaehyun talked right now, his voice would crack. He settles for a nod and a curt yeah. Taeyong's smile doesn't falter, instead it widens a little. "Really? That's great! I look forward to working with you, Jaehyun!" He pats Jaehyun's shoulder and walks past him.

Jaehyun follows the movement with his eyes. Taeyong walks ahead with grace in his every move, his hair bouncing a little lightly as he does so.

Jaehyun thinks every motion Taeyong makes is beautiful. _Couldn't be more beautiful._

_-_

When Jaehyun enters his school as a sophomore, it's not the same anymore. Ever since he played Benvolio during last year's festival, he gained lots of attention from every student in the school. It's definitely not the same anymore, not when the moment he struts into campus an arm is suddenly draped over his shoulder. He takes a look beside him, where the shorter male that he'd gotten close to walks at the same pace as he does.

Amidst the stares he's getting, he and Taeyong are getting, Taeyong's doesn't in any way compare to them. Taeyong gazes at Jaehyun and smiles brightly. "Good morning, Jaehyunie!"

Jaehyun laughs lightly. Taeyong proceeds to look ahead.

"Good morning, hyung."

The older smiles upon hearing that, and if it wasn't for his arm holding Jaehyun the younger would've tripped.

He looked so beautiful right now, he had dyed his natural black hair a shade of dark brown during the summer (of course Jaehyun would know it happened during summer, Taeyong had texted him about it a couple of times). The sunlight showers over his hair and the side of his face ever so gently, making him look heaven sent and just overall ethereal. Jaehyun doesn't regret agreeing to playing Benvolio last year.

And Jaehyun thinks everything about Taeyong couldn't be more beautiful.

-

If you told Jaehyun sophomore year would suck, he'd immediately believe you.

It was seven months into the school year that it suddenly hits him that his hyung, the one he's been crushing on, Taeyong, is graduating this year. He instantly texts Johnny about it.

 _ **jeffrey:**_ JOHNNY

 _ **jeffrey:**_ JOHNNY SEO

 ** _jeffrey:_** SEO YOUNFHO

 _ **jeffrey:**_ JOHNATHAN

 ** _johnathan:_ **WHAT'S WRONG

 _ **jeffrey:**_ TAEYONG HYUNG IS GRADUATING

 _ **johnathan:** _and?

 _ **johnathan:** _ME TOO FUCKER

 _ **jeffrey:**_ yeah but

 ** _jeffrey:_ **TAEYONG HYUNG IS GRADUATING JOHNNY

 _ **johnathan:**_ why do you never call me hyung

 _ **jeffrey:** _doesn't matter!!!!!!

 _ **jeffrey:**_ he's LEAVING

 _ **johnathan:**_ i'm leaving too :'( why can't you give me the same reaction

 _ **jeffrey:**_ has he told you anything about if he's ever leaving the city for college? the country maybe?

 _ **johnathan:**_ the country? that's reaching jae

 ** _johnathan:_** he did mention applying for snu

 ** _johnathan:_ **i don't think he's gotten the results yet but im pretty sure he'll get accepted

 ** _johnathan:_** it's Lee Taeyong we're talking about after all

 ** _jeffrey:_** so he's not leaving?

 ** _johnathan:_** damn jae idk

 ** _johnathan:_ **just ask taeyong yourself

-

Before Jaehyun had the balls to ask Taeyong about his plans for college, the older practically leaps out of nowhere during lunch break and does it himself. He sits across Jaehyun and beside Johnny, startling the rest of their friend group.

"You look happy, hyung. Anything good happened?" Doyoung, one of their junior friend asks.

"The best thing happened, Doyoung! Guess what happened?" They all stare at him in anticipation, except Sicheng who's seated beside Jaehyun who minds his own business and eats his mashed potatoes in peace. Jaehyun knows he's listening too though.

"Just tell us about it!" Yuta, a senior student in their group as well, exclaims.

"Well..." Taeyong fishes out a paper from a white envelope. "I got accepted in SNU! I'm attending SNU and studying performing arts, you guys!"

Taeyong beams and everyone else has similar expressions on their faces. They all congratulate him, making a commotion at the cafeteria and stealing the attention of the other students.

Everyone else has the same look on their faces, but with Jaehyun it's a hundred times better.

His Taeyong hyung is not going anywhere far, he's not leaving. He's not going away. He still has the chance to tell him about how he feels, maybe two years from now. Because his Taeyong hyung will always be there.

Jaehyun grins at the older in front of him.

"Congratulations, hyung!"

Taeyong's eyes dissolve into crescents and his nose scrunches as he faces Jaehyun and flashes him a massive teeth showing smile.

"Thanks a lot, Jaehyunie!" Then he's back to conversing with Yuta about the other's college plans.

Jaehyun thinks _happiness_ on Taeyong couldn't be more beautiful.

-

Now it's Jaehyun's turn to graduate from high school. He had spent the week before Graduation Day with the remaining and new additions of his friend group, and during the weekend he attended a going away party (technically he's not really going away) Lucas threw for for him.

A month before Graduation Day, he had gotten a letter from SNU that he got accepted and will be taking a major in Law and a minor in Humanities. Johnny, Taeyong, and Doyoung were more than happy for him because they'll all be attending the same university together.

Last year, Doyoung had applied to three universities – SNU, Yonsei, and Konkuk to be exact. It wasn't much of a surprise to them, he was Kim Dongyoung after all. Yuta decided to go back to Japan for the rest of college and Sicheng will be attending Yonsei to study Psychology.

Jaehyun thought it'd suit him seeing how he loves how to discern people's thoughts and grilling them with questions to know more about them. Sicheng just has to be a little more softer when doing it, he could be a little bit of a bitch sometimes.

Today's Graduation Day. Taeyong and the other two had promised him they'll be there, whether the ceremony is already finished or not.

They said they'll be there.

An hour after the graduation ceremony began, Jaehyun spots Johnny and Doyoung taking their seats beside Jaehyun's parents near the back.

Still, no signs of Taeyong.

Taeyong wasn't there to see and cheer for Jaehyun as he goes on stage to receive his diploma. Taeyong wasn't there as everyone takes photos with him. Taeyong wasn't there to see him get pats on the back and on his shoulder (somehow it seems a little nostalgic, because Taeyong always did the same whenever Jaehyun did a great job). Taeyong wasn't there to watch the female students squeal over him as they congratulate him for graduating.

Taeyong wasn't there during his and Sicheng's joint graduation dinner.

He wanted to ask Johnny about the older's whereabouts, if something wrong happened to Taeyong and they just wouldn't tell him because he's supposed to have fun today. He wants to ask Doyoung for a plausible reason as to why Taeyong, the Lee Taeyong, broke his promise to Jaehyun.

He said he'll be here.

Jaehyun picks on his food as he mindlessly listens to everyone break into different topics he could barely hear because everyone is just so, so defeaning. Johnny nudges him.

"Something wrong, bud?"

Jaehyun heaves a sigh and his shoulders slump. "Why is Taeyong hyung not here?"

Johnny's lips twitch in a manner Jaehyun couldn't comprehend. "Got something important to do, Jae. He said he'll make it up to you, you know how he is. He said he'll come over to your house tomorrow though." The older shrugs.

"Why didn't he tell me?"

"Dunno, maybe he was really busy? Why don't you just ask him yourself?"

The last time Johnny told Jaehyun to ask Taeyong himself, Taeyong went head first and gave Jaehyun his answers before he could even ask. Just like today, just as he was about to take his phone out from his pocket, Doyoung speaks up from across the table.

"Hey, Jaehyun! Taeyong hyung texted me and said–" Jaehyun watches Doyoung narrow his eyes at the screen. "To go to your house?"

"What, why?"

Doyoung pouts and shrugs. "I don't know either. He just said, Hey Doie, can you tell Jaehyun to go to his house? Like right now?"

Jaehyun has never sprinted out of a restaurant so fast. Johnny stops him halfway, offering to drive him there instead and joking about how he might end up in a hospital instead of his home.

When they arrive in front of his house, Jaehyun thinks that his Taeyong hyung must have been pranking him. The entire house suffer from lack of light, and his eyes travel from the front porch up to the rooftop. There he sees a flicker of light, and maybe a flicker of hope that Taeyong is there. That Taeyong didn't actually break his promise to Jaehyun.

To his surprise, the front door is already unlocked. Before he could enter, Johnny shouts. "Have fun, Jae!" Jaehyun hastily turns around and laughs. So he's part of this too?

He enters and turns on the lights at the foyer, doing the same upstairs. He's near the stairs that follow up to the rooftop.

It's too quiet. All too quiet. Jaehyun might actually think that he really is being pranked at the moment.

It's so silent he could hear his own heart beating erratically against his chest. His steps as he climbs up the stairs radiate small thuds, he slowly wipes the sweat threatening to trickle down his temple.

This is harder than he thought.

He climbs up the stairs until he's faced by the door, only a few steps until he sees if Taeyong really is inside.

Jaehyun slowly grasps on the sliding door gently, and when he looks up he's as stunned as he looks. He enters the rooftop, the railings are adorned with fairy lights with some dangling on the floor. In the middle there's a rectangular table with a lit candle on top, and two plates of food that Jaehyun couldn't distinguish just yet. He trudges in further. He takes a look around and stops just as he sees a figure staring into the night sky.

"Taeyong hyung?" Jaehyun almost cursed himself for sounding so broken and silent. Jaehyun swore he heard the church bells ringing the moment Taeyong turned around. He swore there was light glowing from behind him, illuminating the outline of his body. Jaehyun swore he felt the butterflies that used to fly around his stomach whenever he saw Taeyong promptly turn into eagles, wildly flying and emitting high-pitched giggles.

There it is again.

That smile.

That _goddamn_ smile.

Taeyong simpers at Jaehyun as he walks over to the younger. Jaehyun never expects anything when it comes to Taeyong. He never feels like the older should reciprocate something whenever he does something for Taeyong. He never expects anything from his hyung because he wanted to do all of it on his own accord.

He certainly didn't expect the older to prepare something like this for him.

Without any more words said, Taeyong wraps his arms around Jaehyun's torso and buries his head on the younger's shoulder all the while smiling. "Congratulations on graduating, Jaehyunie. Your hard work paid off." His words sounded a little muffled, as if it's being said under the pressure of the waves of the ocean.

Jaehyun takes this as consent to wrap Taeyong in a hug too, and they stay like that for a minute until Taeyong's the first one to let go (Jaehyun really didn't want it to end).

"Sorry if I didn't keep my promise." Taeyong takes Jaehyun's hand. "I wasn't able to see you on the stage unlike you when you were there at my graduation. I wasn't able to take photos with you too, I feel bad because when we took photos together when I graduated I made a mental note to take lots of it with you too and–"

"Hyung, it's okay. You're here now, aren't you? The day hasn't even ended yet, you're not late."

Taeyong scowls at the younger. "Can you let me finish first?"

Jaehyun chuckles. "I feel really bad, alright? This is all so last minute I literally asked your mom three hours ago to let me borrow the kitchen and the rooftop so I could prepare something for you. I couldn't just strut into your dinner celebration, right? Listen, I don't really care what you think about that but it just really didn't feel right to me."

At this, Jaehyun laughs. Taeyong is just rambling at this point but Jaehyun finds him too adorable to end his ongoing speech about how much he feels bad about–

"Are you listening to me?" Jaehyun blinks several times. "Yes, yes, go on."

"As I was saying, I also teamed up with Johnny really last minute you know? Maybe around six in the afternoon? He brought me the fairy lights, he helped me with that." Taeyong still holds on to Jaehyun's hand as he leads the younger to the table. He only lets go when they're already in the middle of taking their seats across each other.

"That's pasta. Charlie Chan. Your favorite. I had a really hard time making this. I had to set up a whole timer just so the noodles wouldn't turn soggy because you hate it when it gets–"

Jaehyun doesn't really know what came over him. His brain may have short circuited and suddenly recalled all the times the world proved to him that Taeyong is worthy of more than being just a mere crush and a best friend.

"Hyung, do you want want to date me?"

"Now we're here. Congrats again on–" Taeyong's eyes widen and his cheeks are painted with the hue of pink. Jaehyun's sure his own ears are of the same color as Taeyong's entire face. Taeyong gulps, his mouth gaping and closing like he's thinking of words to say and he's about to say it but he's holding himself back.

Jaehyun thinks Taeyong couldn't be more beautiful when he's flustered and caught off guard.

-

Jaehyun concluded that the summer before his college freshman year is the best summer yet.

He spent most of it at Taeyong's bedroom, at Taeyong's kitchen, at Taeyong's bathroom, at Taeyong's living room. His summer is Taeyong, Taeyong, Taeyong, Taeyong... 

Jaehyun expected for things to be awkward the day he asked Taeyong if he wanted to date him. He admits, it wasn't really the best way to ask Taeyong out. His question was pretty unusual too for a person who wants to take someone out on a date. Taeyong was silent for around five minutes that day, during those five minutes Jaehyun's hands went all clammy and suddenly he felt like pissing himself.

 _"Can you give me time to answer this?"_ Taeyong asks him softly. Good thing Taeyong knew how to handle situations maturely.

So now Jaehyun and Taeyong and sprawled out across Taeyong's bed after deciding that they're too lazy to finish binge watching Harry Potter.

They weren't exactly dating yet, not the dating wherein they're officially boyfriends. They thought they should take things slow first, but not on a get-to-know manner. They already know almost everything about each other that they could pass up as childhood friends. It was Taeyong's idea to take it slow first, dating as in go on dates which locations include both their houses – most specifically their bedrooms – and then the rest include public dating locations.

"How's college for you, hyung?" Jaehyun glances beside him to look at Taeyong whose eyes are closed and mouth a little open. "Are you sleeping?"

Taeyong slowly opens his eyes. "College is draining, Jaehyun. You'll know not to ask me this again anymore when you go to college yourself." He closes his eyes again. Jaehyun pouts playfully although the older can't see him. He props his elbow and rests his head on his palm. He shifts his position so he could face Taeyong comfortably.

"No more Hyunie? Jaehyunie?" Taeyong smirks with his eyes still closed. "Beg me,  _Jaehyun._ "

Taeyong made sure to emphasize how he said the younger's name.

And Jaehyun made sure to emphasize that he wants Taeyong's first kiss to be the best as his lips move against Taeyong's pink ones.

-

As days passed by with them together, Jaehyun learns how Taeyong has only been living by himself the whole time. His parents, according to him, died in a car accident. His aunt's been looking out for him ever since. It's times like this when they both realize they'll always need each other. That they're each other's reminders of why they should live in the first place. They can't stay away from each other, not when they're the epitome of love birds and they will die if they lose one another.

Taeyong struts into the library holding a book against his chest. His eyes roam around the library until they meet a figure hunched in his seat and a book covering the rest of his face. Taeyong smiles.

He walks over to the said figure who's seated at the far back of the library, away from the eyes and ears of the librarian and everyone else. Taeyong situates himself across Jaehyun and rests his chin on the palms of his hands. The smile on his face never faltered, not until he himself snatched the book away from Jaehyun's face and saw the most horrifying state he's ever seen him in.

The bags under Jaehyun's eyes are more evident as ever, and his eyes are a little red as if he's been losing sleep and rubs them from time to time to keep himself awake. He looks up at the older and smiles lightly. "Hi hyung, you're here?"

"Jaehyun, do you see yourself right now?" Taeyong speaks in a hushed tone. "What have you been doing to yourself? It's only been half a year, Jaehyun, and you're already planning to kill yourself?" Jaehyun proves what he thought of to Taeyong the moment he rubs his eyes with his right hand and lets out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm doing fine, hyung. Just lost some sleep."

"Lost some sleep? Seems to me that you're not eating well either, Jaehyun! What have you been feeding yourself, instant noodles? I leave you for a month and you show yourself to me like this?!"

Jaehyun clenches his jaw and purses his lips. Taeyong knows he's hit that spot. It's what Jaehyun does whenever he's indignant but he refuses to let it out.

"I said I'm fine, hyung. You don't need to worry about me." Taeyong studies Jaehyun for a moment, and for a moment how Jaehyun looked like on his first day as a college freshman suddenly flashed right before his eyes. It doesn't seem in any way like the Jaehyun he's currently facing.

"I know law is hard, Jaehyun. But it's only your first year, don't try to excel too much effort or you won't live the next semester." Taeyong says. "It'll take a toll on your health, Jae. Please."

Jaehyun doesn't answer. The younger looks down and if Taeyong didn't know any better, he'd think that he's already sleeping due to his droopy eyes. "The dorms are changing and assigning roommates next week, Jaehyun. I'll ask to room with you and I'll inform Doyoung that I won't be roommates with him anymore."

Jaehyun brushes his hand through his hair. "I'm not a baby, hyung." The older narrows his eyes at Jaehyun. "I know you're not a baby. You're a kid, and you can't take care of yourself. I'm taking care of you, Jaehyun. No buts and I don't take no for an answer."

Jaehyun would never say no to Taeyong, especially if it's about being roomies with him. If they can't have time for each other on campus because they're both so busy and they're knocked out the moment they step into their own rooms, Jaehyun figured that'll change if they become roommates (yes he figured that out with his barely awake one brain cell).

Taeyong looks at Jaehyun with something in his eyes. Pity? Affection? Love? "Don't look at me like that." Jaehyun rasps.

"I'll look at you however I want, Jaehyun. Come, let's go eat outside and bring your chubby cheeks back." Taeyong stands up from his seat and offers Jaehyun his hand. Jaehyun takes hold of Taeyong's hand, using it as leverage to stand up. They exit the library hand in hand, with Taeyong whispering "I'll have nothing to pinch if I don't take care of you and bring them back."

Jaehyun pretends he didn't hear it, but the huge smile on his face says otherwise.

Taeyong cares about the people he loves so much. Jaehyun thinks there couldn't be someone more beautiful than him.

-

On Taeyong's senior year and Jaehyun's sophomore year, they started being boyfriends officially. Jaehyun asked Taeyong while he's mindlessly reading _The Rule of Law_ and Taeyong vacuums every nook and cranny of their room. It was sweet and domestic, Jaehyun finds it silly that he imagined how it would be when he marries Taeyong and moves in with him.

_Would it be this comfortable and light too?_

Taeyong halts his cleaning and looks at Jaehyun in the eyes. "I thought you'd never ask."

"Yeah well, I thought I'd never have to ask about it cause ever since I asked you out we've been acting like actual boyfriends. But I thought you know, it's just appropriate to ask properly." Taeyong turns off the vacuum cleaner and practically jumps on Jaehyun to hug him.

Taeyong's the type to hug someone and bury his head wherever he can. Jaehyun's chest, Jaehyun's neck, Jaehyun's shoulder. Jaehyun thinks it's what makes hugging his lover warmer and even better. That being said, Taeyong buries his head on the crook of the younger's neck.

"I love you, Jaehyunie."

"Love you too, hyung."

Jaehyun thinks the smile on Taeyong's face couldn't be more beautiful.

-

Jaehyun passes the bar exam in one try and Taeyong makes it a necessity to celebrate for a week after the results came out.

The first day, the couple, Johnny, Doyoung, and Sicheng along with Jaehyun's family went out for dinner to celebrate Jaehyun becoming a lawyer. The second day, Taeyong took Jaehyun out for a picnic date near the Han River. Jaehyun woke up that day still feeling a little worn out and hungover from last night's dinner, but the sight of Taeyong preparing different types of food in colored lunchboxes makes his day a little brighter.

(Have we mentioned that when Taeyong got his first pay as a choreographer in a dance studio, he asked Jaehyun to move in with him in his home when he graduates?)

The third day, Taeyong wakes Jaehyun up in the morning with breakfast in bed. That meant two breakfasts, just because Taeyong thought Jaehyun might still be hungry and letting Jaehyun unravel him and each part of his body is a must have dessert. (He did say this to Jaehyun while they were doing it.)

The fourth day, Taeyong asks Jaehyun to visit him at the dance studio he works at. Every move Jaehyun does has a bounce in them, probably because he thinks he'll be watching Taeyong dance, but what he sees in reality puts him in awe.

Taeyong is assigned to teach dancing to kids ranging from seven to thirteen year olds. There's a small glass by the practice room's door and Jaehyun peeks from there. From his view, he watches as Taeyong teach a teenage boy a move. It consisted of a strenuous footwork (from Jaehyun's point of view) and the boy stumbles and falls. Jaehyun watches as his man holds back a laugh while the rest of the students laugh at the teenage boy.

Jaehyun later learns the boy is named Mark Lee.

On the fifth day, Taeyong wasn't able to celebrate the last two days of Jaehyun's week long bar exam celebration anymore. He's been thinking of proposing to Jaehyun for two months now, he figured the latter is thinking of proposing to him too – but he realized Jaehyun has always been the one asking him to take bigger steps into their relationship, starting from Jaehyun's graduation day to that one day in their dorm.

It was a normal night for them. Jaehyun came home from his internship, not noticing anything different about how Taeyong suddenly cooked him his favorite pasta dish for dinner.

"How's Mark, hyung?" Jaehyun twirls his pasta and takes a bite. He hums as he says, "God, you put every chef in the world to shame." Taeyong laughs. "Mark's fine, Jaehyunie. He's gotten used to the footwork I've been teaching them now, in fact he's the best in my class."

Taeyong watches as Jaehyun takes a sip of his orange juice and takes another bite of his pasta. The older fishes out a blue velvet box from his pocket and places it on the table. He extends his hand for Jaehyun to see, and the latter swallows the noodles with no hesitation. It's a surprise he didn't choke.

"Marry me?"

-

On their first year anniversary, Jaehyun asks his law firm to let him out on a sick leave. His boss points out how he doesn't even look ill, and he's forced to tell the truth. He lightens up when his boss told him that he should've told the truth instead, and lets him out early to prepare for his and Taeyong's first anniversary as a married couple.

Jaehyun surprised Taeyong at his workplace with a bouquet of his favorite sunflowers and every chocolate from Taeyong's favorite sweets shop. Every one of Taeyong's student squeals and tells Taeyong to go out with Jaehyun for the day (just because they already want dance class to end and have the day to themselves too).

Jaehyun loves Taeyong so much. _So, so, so much._

_-_

Two years into their married life, Taeyong still works as a choreographer and Jaehyun's already a well known lawyer and does his work with credibility, having only lost three cases. Each case he lost, Taeyong taught him not to beat himself over it but use it as a way to make himself better instead.

 _"You fell thrice, stand up eight."_ He'd always say.

Johnny would tease them about how strange their dynamic is, being a couple of a choreographer and a lawyer. Taeyong and Jaehyun always reprimand him and tell him to get a man instead of always making fun of their happy married life.

Three years into their married life, Taeyong notices how much Jaehyun has changed. Jaehyun notices it too, he's hyper aware of it, but chooses not to worry. Taeyong used to think it's the work and the popularity and success in his line of work getting to his head, but he knows his Jaehyunie too well. Too much. He's not like that.

One day, Taeyong decides to visit Jaehyun at his workplace, he hasn't been able to for the past half of the year because he's busy with his own work as well.

Fortunately, the front desk is still the same lady, Joohyun, from when he used to frequently visit Jaehyun to have lunch with him. He smiles at her and she gestures for him to take the elevator, already aware of his intentions.

The elevator stops at the fifth floor and Taeyong exits.

 _It's still the same as before,_ Taeyong thinks. He continues walking ahead and stops at the third door on his left.

 **Lawyer Jung Jaehyun** , the gold plate states on the front door. It fills Taeyong with glee and pride. That's his man. This is his man, right there. Taeyong knocks gently, "Jae? Can I come in?" He leans in a little, his ear and the door only an inch away from each other. He knocks again, thrice this time.

"H–hyung! Hold on, my papers scattered!"

"Can you open the door first, please? I can help you gather the papers instead."

A minute passed and Jaehyun finally opens the door. Taeyong takes in his appearance – disheveled hair, at least two buttons of his dress shirt are unbuttoned, his sleeves are folded up to his elbows. Jaehyun opens the door wider for the older to come in, there are still a few papers on the floor.

"Are you drowning yourself with work again?" Jaehyun scratches the back of his neck.

"Yeah, are you here to have lunch with me, hyung?" Taeyong smiles curtly and nods.

If Taeyong noticed anything about how flushed Jaehyun's neck and ears were, he didn't say anything about it. At least, _not now._

-

A week after Taeyong visited, he mentally lists down the changes in Jaehyun's behavior lately. His kisses aren't the same anymore. His arms, when they put them around Taeyong's body, they're not as tight as they used to be anymore. His smile when they talk isn't as sweet and massive anymore.

Jaehyun doesn't smell the same anymore.

So when Jaehyun tells Taeyong about when he'll be taking his day off, Taeyong asks Seulgi – his boss – for a day off as well.

They spent the afternoon in their living room binge watching Harry Potter, just like old times. It reminded Taeyong of that one summer before Jaehyun started going to college. Taeyong almost cries, almost begs for Jaehyun to hold him tighter and not just drape his arm over his shoulder like before. He almost begs, but he didn't.

In the middle of the film, Taeyong grabs the remote from the coffee table. He's almost unable to stop the tears from trickling down his cheeks as he does so.

Jaehyun notices.

He looks at Taeyong with worry dancing in his eyes. It almost feels like Jaehyun never changed, that he's still the same as he was two years ago.

His Jaehyunie.

"Hyung, is everything alright? Why are you crying?" Taeyong didn't even feel the tears streaming down his face. He's as numb as he is, and he wonders why he's still with Jaehyun after already figuring everything out. Taeyong thinks he could pass up as a martyr.

But after everything, Taeyong still wants to prove something. To prove his theory, but something tells him he doesn't want it to be real. Maybe he's just imagining things, hallucinating. Maybe he's exaggerating because after all these years of being with the love of his life, not a single heartbreaking problem has ever come their way. Maybe he's just seeking for an argument, for something to spice up their relationship as a married couple. Maybe he just wants to fight with Jaehyun, and then after that they'll compromise and Jaehyun will envelope him in a tight crushing hug.

All of that seems to be impossible to be real now.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Jaehyun wipes his tears using his thumb. "We're not watching a drama, hyung." If Taeyong could, if Taeyong had the energy, he'd roll his eyes.

_You still have the audacity to joke around, Jaehyunie?_

Taeyong holds Jaehyun's hand against his cheek. One last time. "Make love to me, Hyunie. _Please._ " Taeyong hated how he sounded so weak, so vulnerable, fragile. It's as if he's bound to break soon, and he knows Jaehyun won't be there to fix him back anymore.

Just like the first time and the last time they made love, hot breathes and the sweet sound of skin slapping filled their home. The smell of sweat and making love roams around them. Jaehyun grasps onto Taeyong as if he's porcelain. As if he'll shatter anytime soon if Jaehyun lets him go – and as he shows Taeyong how much he loves and cherishes him, he knows this will happen.

He'll have to let Taeyong go soon, and Jaehyun won't be there to see if he'll shatter or not.

-

Between Jaehyun and Taeyong, they both know Taeyong is the strongest between the both of them. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally. He's always been one to handle situations related to a person's emotions well, one that Jaehyun never learned how to do.

Another week passes, and Taeyong leaves Jaehyun a text to come home early for dinner. Upon reading the text, Jaehyun didn't know why his heart felt like leaping out of his chest. It's all so sudden, and the beating of his heart is suddenly so erratic.

Taeyong never asks him to come home early except there's a special occasion.

In the middle of their dinner, a few minutes has already passed by and neither of them have ever said a word to each other. Taeyong didn't help Jaehyun take his coat off too, not even a kiss and a _Welcome home, Hyunie._

Jaehyun's scared. Petrified of what's about to come. Funny, he's the one who's scared when he's the one who started all of this.

He's the one who cheated.

Jaehyun gulps, and suddenly everything came crashing on him. He hates himself. This is really happening.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jaehyun looks up and watches as Taeyong's fingers play with the table cloth, food untouched and completely forgotten. "I could've let you go myself, you know. I–I could've even filed the divorce papers myself."

Jaehyun's breath hitches. "H–hyung, I can explain."

When Taeyong looks up and meets his eyes, he swore he felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown upon him. Taeyong looked as if the world teared him up, but at the same time he looks as if he's not capable of feeling anymore. Taeyong smiles slightly, so little that if Jaehyun didn't pay attention to his every move he wouldn't have seen it.

"Hyung, I wanted to tell you."

"But you didn't, Hyunie."

"Hyung, please."

"I'm hurt, Jaehyun."

And there it is. Every moment of them together flashed right before Jaehyun's eyes. The day he gave Taeyong his first kiss, his Graduation Day, the first time he saw him, the first time they made love.

"Hyung, I'm sorry."

"Maybe I was really just a simple crush to you, Jaehyun." Taeyong proceeds to look down. Jaehyun was confused. Heck, he was bewildered. He knew he saw this coming, he expected this.

He narrows his eyes at the older. "H–hyung, what do you mean by that?"

"Crushes don't last a lifetime, Jaehyun. Maybe all this time you were just attracted to me, but you weren't in love like what you always told me."

Jaehyun loves peace and quiet, but not this kind. He could hear the sound of his own heartbeat, and he's reminded of that one day he was holding Taeyong in his arms and he told him about how much he loves the sound of his beating heart. Taeyong said it was beautiful. The thought suffocates him, it's making his insides clench.  He hates this situation and most importantly, he hates himself.

"Go to sleep, Jaehyun, if you're already done eating." How can Jaehyun eat after all of this? How can he even sleep? "I'm sure you're tired. With work, or whatever is it that's been keeping you busy and away from me."

God, Taeyong is mean. Taeyong is making him feel guilty. Jaehyun hates this side of him.

Taeyong meets Jaehyun's eyes again. _"Goodnight, Jaehyun."_

-

A year after their divorce, Jaehyun has never heard from Taeyong again since that night. Johnny's the only one who's been keeping him updated, whether he asks for it or not. (But he knows he wants to be updated on Taeyong, he just feels guilty for wanting to know about how Taeyong is when he's the reason they're not together anymore in the first place.)

His parents knew about it, he told them. They gave him a pretty big scolding about letting his own fantasies cloud his mind and forgetting about the one person who contributed so much to his life. To his happiness. He cried that day.

The rest of their friends found out about the sudden split, and they all didn't talk to Jaehyun for months seeing how he's the one who caused the damage and he hurt Taeyong. Johnny's the one who gathered all of them in one room, to talk it out and mend their friendships.

He had heard from Johnny about Taeyong's upcoming musical. The man studied performing arts after all. Jaehyun jumps in happiness when Johnny told him he got them and their friends tickets to the musical.

Jaehyun still regrets everything up to this day. He still thinks of Taeyong. Everyday, every second. How can he not when everything he encounters reminds him of Taeyong?

-

It's finally the day that Jaehyun has been dreading. There's a big chance that he'll be seeing Taeyong tonight, seeing he's the musical director. As he gets ready, he remembers that time he played Benvolio during freshman year in high school. He worked with Taeyong and the rest of The Euphony for a month to make the whole play a whole victory.

It's the main reason he and Taeyong became close friends. 

-

The musical ended and the cast falls in line on the stage. The audience welcomes the musical director who made it all come true, and they make way for him in the middle. Taeyong walks forward and stands at the very middle of the stage, waving to the audience wearing the biggest smile on his face. He looks so much better than the last time Jaehyun saw him.

A year has passed, and Jaehyun still thinks Taeyong couldn't be more beautiful.

A year has passed.

Jaehyun is still in love with Taeyong.

It wasn't just a mere crush, Jaehyun wants to tell Taeyong exactly that.

-

Jaehyun, Johnny, Doyoung, Sicheng, and Yuta (surprisingly, he went back to Seoul three months after the divorce. He attacked Jaehyun at his house for hurting Taeyong, but he eventually calmed down) went backstage to congratulate Taeyong on his very first musical.

Jaehyun's at the very back as they walk their way there, and from where he stands he could see Taeyong being congratulated by other viewers who seem rich and classy enough to be able to come backstage as well.

"Yong!" Johnny shouts, he raises his hand catch Taeyong's attention and succeeds. Taeyong whips his head around to look where the voice came from and immediately lights up. He excuses himself from his past conversation.

Taeyong never changed, Jaehyun could see that. There's still grace and bounce in every step he makes as he struts over to them with a smile on his face.

"Congrats, hyung! I knew you'd get big one day!" Sicheng gushes. "Thank you, Win."

"So, how was it?" Taeyong asks. "Great, never seen anything like it before. You're an amazing musical director, Lee Taeyong." Yuta sniggers. Taeyong scoffs and rolls his eyes at the Japanese, "It's literally your first time watching a musical, Yuta."

"Well, as someone who enjoys music, I like the storyline and the songs, hyung. You did a great job, I already can't wait to watch your next musical." Taeyong genuinely smiles while listening to Doyoung speak. He thanks him and invites all of them to a production dinner.

Jaehyun felt like a shadow. As if he's there but no one can see him. Taeyong's ignoring him, he's sure about that.

Maybe he deserves this. Maybe this is what Taeyong felt during that time. _Neglected and miserable._

-

During the production dinner, they occupy a table where only their friend group is seated. Jaehyun's way in to his overthinking to eat properly, it's like that time during his graduation dinner when he couldn't eat because of Taeyong's absence.

He just won't get reminded of Taeyong in every situation he's in.

Amidst all the talks and the reminiscence of Taeyong's production team during the duration of time they were working on the musical, Jaehyun faintly hears Taeyong excuse himself to go outside. Jaehyun didn't want to come off too dolorous, so he waits a little to excuse himself.

He exits the restaurant and sees Taeyong kick nonexistent things with his foot. He walks over to him with little hesitation, he didn't even prepare anything to say to him. He doesn't know where or how to start.

When Taeyong realizes his presence, he looks up. Taeyong is still so beautiful.

"Hi, hyung." There's no emotion in Taeyong's face as he speaks, but it wasn't too cold either. Like he's not talking to a friend but he's not talking to a stranger either. Jaehyun is just an acquaintance.

"Hi, Jaehyun."

_"No more, Hyunie? Jaehyunie?"_

_"Beg me, Jaehyun."_

Jaehyun blinks several times to shake the scene off his head. He licks his lips and says, "It's been long." _It's been a long, agonizing year without you, hyung._

Taeyong nods and hums. "I know that."

Jaehyun looks down, afraid of melting right here and there because of Taeyong's gaze. "I just–I just wanted to say, to clarify something." Jaehyun could feel Taeyong's eyes burning holes through his skull. He wishes Taeyong could, just so he could die and finally stop hating himself and regretting that he lost Taeyong.

"It wasn't just a crush, hyung. I really loved you–I still do. And I'm sorry." He didn't say much, but he felt breathless after saying those things to his past lover.

Taeyong places his hand on Jaehyun's shoulder and Jaehyun shudders from the sudden warmth. He almost forgot how Taeyong is just as warm as he is.

"It's alright now, Jaehyun. Live your life without any regrets and think before you do something, alright? I'm here for you, as a friend. You're still a kid so you still need other people to guide you wherever you want to go." Taeyong pauses. "I have a boyfriend now, Jaehyun. We're happy and we love each other, if you wanted to know."

"That's nice, hyung. I'm here for you too." Jaehyun's voice cracks and he didn't feel an ounce of regret or embarrassment during it.

_I'm here for you too, whether he's making you smile or he's making you cry._

Taeyong chuckles and gives Jaehyun's shoulder one last squeeze before walking past him to enter the restaurant again.

Jaehyun lost Taeyong. Maybe he didn't love him too much that he was able to escape his grasp. Maybe he was stupid. Maybe he didn't show Taeyong how much he loved him that the older fell out of love way too fast.

But Jaehyun couldn't blame whoever holds Taeyong's heart now.

Taeyong's still so beautiful and whoever doesn't fall in love with him when they see him is blind.

At the same time, he's happy. He's happy for the love of his life. He's happy because the love of his life is happy.

_Jaehyun still thinks Taeyong couldn't be more beautiful, but he's out of his reach now._

**Author's Note:**

> so uhm fellas how was that（＞ｙ＜）i tried making it angsty as much as possible but i can't write proper story endings for shit so. also if U made it this far congrats and i hope this wasn't cringey! kudos and comments are appreciated hehe
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/huangszn)


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